The Toilet

Outside the bedroom, facing the hallway was the bathroom. There stood my nemesis. I know why I was scared of the toilet, because anything could happen there! What if a crocodile took a bite of my bottom? What if I flushed the toilet and was sucked down a never ending tunnel full of sewer rats or who knows what! I could wander for years, until eventually I arrive at the coast, still in my underwear and completely lost (and smelly!).

When I visit the toilet, I normally plan it well to make it safe. I try to go when the sun is still shining (very difficult in winter), keeping the door slightly ajar so that in an emergency I can run out without the bother of locks and door handles.  When I flush, I scamper away as fast as I can and hide under my duvet.

That night, it was different.

When it was bedtime, I waited upstairs to use the bathroom. It was dark outside as it was December and I waited in the hallway. My sister Lucy took ages and Elizabeth teased me as I waited by turning the hall light on and off. Finally it was my turn to go to the toilet and I kept the door open as always. I sneaked across the bathroom floor and just as I was about to sit on the toilet, the lights turned out. I screamed out loud, “Liiiizzzzzzz!!” as I was scared and panicking. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I rushed back to my bedroom and dived under my covers whilst still sobbing, “I hate you!”

Eventually I started to fall asleep and dreamed of giant chewy gummy bears.  I awoke needing the toilet because I missed going before I went to sleep.  I got up, shivering as it was freezing, so I put on my fluffy slippers and dressing gown. My heart was beating as I reached for the bathroom door handle.  I turned on the light, the glow filling the darkness so I could see into every corner. I looked at the toilet seat, my imagination making it snarl at me.  With my heart beating faster, I perched on the seat and just as I was about to go the toilet, I wiggled back too far and slipped. My bottom fell straight into the hole with my legs still hanging on the outside. I was well and truly stuck.  Maybe it can be said that I was panicking too much as I tried to lift myself back out. I had visions of me still being stuck by the next morning, with my bum being totally numb.

I wanted to yell for help, but I didn’t want my father to come in and see me, so I just had to push harder. I pushed and pushed until finally there was a popping sound and I flew off the seat. I scrambled as fast as I could, back to my safe, warm, snug duvet. 

Best Day Ever

The excitement was unbearable as the day had dragged on. The morning was spent hiking up some never ending hills in the freezing cold, a cunning ploy to wear our little feet out. Breakfast was lush, bacon and egg sandwiches fried in the car-park before the trek.  

After the obligatory Christmas Carol service at the local church (with the grown-up folk singing so loud it was embarrassing), we went back home and watched some Christmas specials. Rosie and Alice had fallen asleep in front of the tv as they were so worn out. For the rest of us, we had “T’was the night before Christmas” read to us before the grown-ups made sure we were tucked up in bed. Suzie reminded us to leave a minced pie and some milk for Father Christmas and his reindeer (which meant the other girls were jealous as she got to prepare the gifts of gratitude). Our stockings were draped in preparation at the end of our beds and there was a rustling from the bunk bed above of Liz trying to settle down.  My plan was to stay awake until our stockings were full. I thought it would be easier to stay awake with the TV on so loud and being so excited. The next thing I remember was me moving my hand to hear the soft crackle of wrapped goodies in my bulging stocking.

My heart raced, as I dashed for the light switch which woke up the rest of the room. As they were slowly rubbing their eyes, I was busy maneuvering the packages out of the stocking so I could examine the various shapes and sizes. I opened the treasures randomly: Pens that glow when struck; chapstick (doesn't Santa know me well!); a Little Mix CD; smellies; some eye-shadow; funky stripy socks and the standard knickers, nuts, tangerine and loads of chocolate bars.

After seeing what the others had opened (and secretly comparing), I went back to sleep exhausted.

The next morning, I was woken up by mouth watering fragrances from the kitchen below. Turkey, lamb, rosemary and bacon smells wafted up from downstairs. I could hear jazzy Christmas songs being played and my sisters were already up. In our dressing gowns we waited until the grandparents were ready, then we charged downstairs, pushing to get there first and see the room filled with sacks and shiny presents. The parents gave them out one at a time and we were eager and excited to see our next presents. I was so spoilt!

Dinner was superb. Even mum liked the brussel sprouts with bacon! Crackers popped with silly hats and jokes to groan at. We missed the Queens speech (again!) because the rest of the family descended on us. I loved wearing my new onesie, reading my new books and busting new moves on my dance game. When the day finished I was tucked into bed with a huge smile on my face. The best Christmas ever!

The New Baby

The New Baby

Mum and Dad adapted to having a newborn baby in the house very easily. That was no surprise mind you because between the two of them, Rosie was the eighth child. They would change the nappies and handle bathing her with such great magic! Of course we all play a part of helping and fussing over her as she is so cute, but I do feel for Dad being the only male in the house.

One day during the school holidays, mother had to go to work (she is a midwife), and Dad took the day off work to spend some “quality time” with us.  “Thank you Mr for taking the day off today, ever so grateful and the kids will enjoy their time with you. I have left a list of chores for you to do whilst I am gone and there is no food in the house. You will need to do a bit of a shop” said Mum.

I like days with Dad, straight away he pulls out the blankets, nukes the popcorn and then puts on a flick! By the time the film had finished (and Dad had woken up from his sleep), little Betsy had started griping for lunch. So Dad got us all ready for a trip to Asda, got Rosie in her baby carrier and loaded into the car. Shopping was dull, but at least we picked out some things for lunch that we liked.

When we got back and we all helped carry the shopping in, Dad’s eyes widened as his face turned pale as milk and he started to sweat. “Err Dad? Where is Rosie?” Lucy asked. It was foolish to watch him look in all the shopping bags as if Rosie would be stuffed into one of them with the tomatoes, fresh basil and bananas?

“Oh nooo! Where did I leave her? Did I leave her on the roof of the car in her chair? No. I can’t imagine that. I need to retrace my steps” Dad said in a panic. “Mum is gonna kill me!”  What if someone has taken her?

We scrambled back into the car and Dad drove back to the supermarket like a mad man (I think I could even hear him swearing under his breath... or praying!) The car lurched and skidded its way there.

We arrived and he marched us as quick as he could, carrying Betsy to save time.  He went straight to the reception desk and when they brought out Rosie, Dad did something he does not do often... he cried.

It turned out that Rosie’s car seat was left in the shopping trolley with Rosie asleep in there. When Mum got in from work, Dad had to face the wrath and loss of trust for his light mindedness, but mother was good and managed to speak to him two days later. I would have given him at least five days.

Orange Over Green

From the outcrop, you could see for miles. The walk to this point had been delightful with paths which meandered half way up hill sides and down again. In some areas there were hoof prints indented in the dry mud from the nearby riding school where sturdy horses had plodded with their passengers. Brooklets rushed by and gave a constant babbling and hissing sound as the water cascaded over rocks and down into deeper falls. The smell had been an intoxicating mix of summer: the tall grass; flowing bushes and wild flowers accented in occasion by the smell of horse manure.   

The visit to the farm shop at the beginning of the walk had been rewarding. In addition to the fluids and energy bars procured for the journey, ice creams were purchased made with rich Cornish clotted cream and juicy beaded blackberries.  Within the heat of the day, the luscious ice creams were quickly devoured before heading further on the walk.

The backpacks were laden with picnic blankets, matching plates, plastic beakers and cutlery, waterproof coats, the newly purchased goods and a collection of boiled eggs, fresh salad, cut tomatoes, cucumber and homemade quiche.

Each of the girls had collected sticks from the wooded areas. The oldest took pride in the strength and length of their sticks, whilst the younger ones regarded theirs as dangerous weapons to only be held by silent, deadly ninja assassins. Although having said that, the journey was often punctuated by the cries of ninjas jumping out of their shrubs yelling “whaaachaaaaa!”

Anyway, having reached the destination of the outcrop by the late afternoon, the picnic blankets were spread out with the showmanship of a matador, quick flicks as the red and white poker-dot blanket glided to the dry woody floor. Smiles are exchanged as we jointly prepare the food onto the plates, trying hard to not let any of it run away off the plate. I could see that twinkle in your eye as you layout pieces of sliced ham on each plate. It’s that look which say’s so many things in one instant. A look of: bliss; happiness; fulfilment; completeness; cheeky, flirty contentment on life and being in rapture of how life after years of conflict and struggle, can resolve in total peace. It’s a beautiful day!

The girls settled down to eat, battling for the limited space on the blanket and whining on about this person taking up more room than that person. The whining is a defect from not having their polyphony of electronic phones, gadgets and gizmos and you can almost see their thumbs twitching from lack of texting. Despite the niggling, the picnic platter went down as a treat and when completed, the girls went off exploring and climbing trees.

After clearing away the plates, we laid back down on the blankets in a tight embrace, our bodies interlaced and our hands stroking each other tenderly as we watched the orange sun go down over the lush green fields.

The Girl With The Strange Shadow

It was Sophie who noticed her first, whilst in amongst the concourses of people, there was something tugging her line of vision. Her eyes were drawn to a girl who was in the crowd. There was nothing that different about her, she looked 16, had a red woolly hat with a large pom-pom on top. Her coat was a normal trendy looking super-dry coat and she wore fur lined boots, yet despite the girl’s warm smile, Sophie kept looking at her feeling something was not quite right. It was her shadow.

At first she noticed the shadow flickering like a faulty light-bulb. Sophie looked at the streetlight which looked fine. She looked back at the shadow and saw to her amazement that the shadow was facing a different way to the girl. The shadow seemed to be alive as the shadow’s hand lifted and waved in an open gesture. Sophie tugged hard on the coat of Elizabeth and whispered sharply “Liz.... look!” It was important to know if this was just her imagination running away with herself (of which she had loads) or something else. Liz looked to where she was pointing and her mouth dropped open as she watched the shadow jump around the puddles on the market floor. The shadow’s splashes appeared in the market place as if someone was really there. At first the splash surrounded where the shadow landed with a jolly splash, and then as the shadow kicked and played, the water sprayed up, splashing the nearest man who looked round sharply to see who splashed. The shadow put its hand up to her mouth and bent over laughing at the man’s reaction.  This made Liz and Sophie giggle as the shadow continued to dance and skip around. 

There was a cheeky side to the shadow who seemed to love tormenting and teasing those nearby. Both Sophie and Liz actually laughed out loud when the shadow pinched the bottom of the large lady serving at the deli stall. Her eyes looked like they would pop out of her head in surprise as she yelped in pain and she looked in all directions to spot who was near enough to do it.

The mischievous shadow then cart-wheeled over to  both Liz and Sophie, long grey arms extended and then drilled into the sides of the girls, causing them to double over laughing and giggling until it ached so hard that tears came to their eyes.

Mother gave the girls a look that read... “and what is so funny?” The girls straightened their faces to hide their amusement at seeing the shadow behind their mother, fingers in its ears and tongue waggling in mock. Sadly it was time to go and as mother started to lead them away, both girls looked back puzzled to see everything normal. There was no magical animated displays, only a twinkle in the eye and a smile from the girl with the strange shadow.

Lost

The sun beat down on the green grass speckled with daisies. Rosie loved summer days and today was out walking with her family at Blades Castle grounds. The park on the grounds offered plenty of excitement and Rosie, along with her older sisters Beth and Lucy sprinted to the play area. Rosie went straight to the aerial slide which for a change was free from kids eager to push their way on. Eyes wide with anticipation, Rosie positioned the circular seat under her and then kicked backwards to get the full momentum of the zip wire, the sound of air whooshed past her ears as she zoomed through the air.

After a few goes, Rosie got bored and looked for her sister Lucy. The park was a sea of endless kids running around, chasing each other, screaming and shouting to gain as much attention as they can. Rosie looked everywhere to find her sister. She spotted Beth first (it’s hard to miss her oldest sister who was as a thirteen year old looking too tall to be there). Rosie walked around looking in all directions trying to glimpse Lucy, her heart racing like a race horse. Finally she saw her high on the blue roped climbing frame waving at the top.

Relieved, Rosie went to join her sister, but before she started to climb, she noticed a boy sitting on the ground at the bottom of the climbing frame crying loudly. From the tears rolling down his cheeks which were mingled with dust and snot, Rosie felt sorry for him. Rosie approached the lad with concern.

“What is the matter?” Rosie asked lad. The boy lifted his head, looked at her through tear blurred eyes and blurted aloud “I’ve lost my Mummy!” Rosie sat next to him, put a comforting arm around him and said “Don’t worry! We will find her!” The soft words turned the sobs into sniffs as the boy started to feel more hopeful. “Come on…. Let’s see my Dad. He might be able to help!” Rosie led the lad over to the park bench where her Father sat smiling. “Hi Rosie! Are you enjoying yourself? And who is your new friend?” “I’m not sure what his name is, but he has lost his Mummy” Rosie replied. “I’m Luke”, the boy choked. “OK Luke, what does your mother look like?” Luke shrugged and then described just about every mother in the park. Both Rosie and her father scanned the park but could not see anyone searching for their lost son. Rosie’s face was a picture of worry. Eventually, on a picnic bench on the other side of the park, a mother sat alone. Rosie led Luke across who eventually ran to his mother yelling “Mum, Mum!”

Rosie’s father was about to explain that Luke was found lost and crying, when he noticed the tears in Luke’s mothers eyes. Holding Luke close, the mother whispered “I am sorry I lost you. I Love You”.

Rosie smiled!

New Shoes

It was my birthday today and for a present, my father was taking me shopping. Beth was wise to the fact that when shopping with her father, if she dragged him through countless stores looking at similar things at similar prices, he becomes more tired, moody and unresponsive. I made a bee-line straight to the shop and pointed out the wonderful shoes. The sleek high heels and the plain design of the low cut black leather really made them look dainty for her elongated feet.  Already I was tall for my aged and towered above classmates, but the extra heels would make me dominate the landscape even further. Nice to have people look up to you! After the banter about having no oxygen that high in those shoes, my father paid and I thanked him graciously!

As soon as I got home I went on Facebook, shared a picture of me wearing them to my friends Georgia and Lucy and then suggested we met in town the next week to do what we normally do (look in shop windows, sit on benches and giggle at the world walking past, perhaps show off a little when a cute guy walks past).   

We met at our usual spot outside McDonalds and I paraded my shoes gracefully, when suddenly the world span ever so quickly in a blur of colour like a kaleidoscope. Instead of standing outside McDonalds, Georgia, Lucy and I were standing in a muddy street. The air smelt of dust, dirt and cabbages which I admit is not my favourite of smells. A sign was squeakily swinging outside a nearby inn displaying The Cobblers Arms. The sky was grey and people were dressed in old fashioned dresses and suits with thick blankets wrapped around them.  Horses galloped the streets as all three of us stood motionless with our mouths gapping!

I took a step and the world whizzed around. This time instead of a dingy dirty street, we stood in a clean and bright room. Everywhere we looked was colour, but it was not the colour of bright furnishings and walls, it was the colour of millions of different sweets. Both the sight and the smell hit us all like a sugary hammer.  Bright balls and cubes and twisted coloured shapes, soft squidgy shapes of pink and white, some on sticks ready to be sucked to death whilst some sat with scoops ready to shovel into bags.

As I took two steps back in awe the world span again (which is totally unfair!) The world lurched to a stop and we was all back outside the same McDonalds we started at. Georgia and Lucy were exactly where they was before my world changed, admiring my shoes as I strutted. I stopped in confusion. What had just happened? Was it real? Was it my shoes? Can I do it again? Where will my shoes take me next? A wide grin grew on my face. I like my new shoes!

The Random Light

“Bloody random light!!” How was I supposed to know what it meant?” I cursed as I slammed through the double doors. The two police officers who had assisted me earlier wished me luck as I hastened away. Just moments earlier, I was buried in despair.

*The call had come whilst I was attending a two day conference on managing public estates. “Honey! It’s started!” How was it possible? Everything was looking fine and there was still another month to go! Eagerly I reached the Audi A5 to begin my journey.

My heart raced, and all thoughts were scrambled like eggs, as I exited the car park. Will he look like me? Will she look like me? Or will the child have its mother’s beauty? As I reached the car park barrier gate, my face straightened, as I suddenly wondered where the hell my parking token had vanished. Flushed, I felt around my pockets. “No, no, nooooo!” The sweat started to bead down my back as my hands returned back to each pocket I had previously searched. At last I found it, I slumped in my chair with relief, as I fumbled my token into the barrier before starting my eighty mile commute back to Oxford .

Images from the antenatal classes I'd attended flashed into my mind, like scenes from a horror movie, distorted into further gore, as I pictured my wife screaming in agony, alone. I drove faster and spurred my Audi on, like Ben Hurr on speed. I was twenty miles into the journey on the M4 when I recognised the light. It was low on the dashboard, and glowing red, I should have known by fact that it was red that it meant ‘death of car’.

My car fell silent apart from my tyres rolling on the tarmac and the wind which also was diminishing rapidly. The car behind was close to my car bumper, and flashing furiously which reminded me that as my car was stalled. Need to get out of the fast lane and onto the hard shoulder as quickly as possible.

After unsuccessfully trying to start the car I opened my car bonnet, and after looking, pacing, and looking and screaming, I finally crashed myself on the grass verge to drown in my fear and failure. Thankfully the police were passing and pulled over to check to see if whether I was in trouble.

And now, as I raced out of the hospital lift on the third floor, the thoughts of the nightmare journey were shunted far aside into insignificance for concerns for my family. “I am looking for my wife…. She's …. Labour… Mary…. Mary Merton?” The nurse understood my distress and calmly told me she was through the fourth door on the left.

I burst through the swinging door to see my wife, weary, sweaty, tired and smiling, with, what looked like an animated bundle of blankets, from which peered with eyes blue like Mary’s, the latest addition!

And the snow came down.

For a whole year it sat undisturbed in the garage like a relic from the winter before, sitting and waiting. And then the snow came down.

Alice (who preferred to call herself George), rushed downstairs that morning, flung the door wide open, breathed in the crispy cold air and regarded the virgin snow, untouched by humans, but littered with soft bird and cat prints. Yelling for her sisters, Alice quickly got herself dressed in her favourite woollies and put her coat on. “You’re not going out like that!” father said as he searched for gloves and hats. “Same for you two!” he said as he inspected the other two sisters attire, adding extra items to keep them dry and warm.

Alice rushed to the garage to get her special sledge. She had spent last year’s Christmas money on purchasing the ultimate sledge which she had christened “The Hawk”. Looks of envy came from her sisters as they collected their “butt boards”. Theirs were plastic and crude, with butt prints to sit on and a handle to hold, but The Hawk was a traditional sledge with metal runners, wooden body and a rope to either steer or hang onto for dear life.

 After a short walk the girls finally reached the bottom of the park and Alice’s eyes widened, a big smile stretched her face as she surveyed the scene before her. In the snow blanketed  park, kids were yelling and shouting as they propelled down the hill on anything they could find.

The girls made their way up the slopes as fast as they could to jump on their sledges, speed down and then do it all again.

It was before the fifth rundown that Alice got a wicked glint in her eye as she looked for ways to make sledging more thrilling.  “Look at that slope! Wicked! Let’s do it!” she exclaimed. Before her sister could yell “wait!”, Alice had launched herself head first on The Hawk.  The lack of tracks told her nobody had been down this side. Nobody was crazy enough. The wind whooshed past Alice’s ears as The Hawk quickly gained speed.”Wooo-hooo!”. Alice clung on, her eyes dripping wet tears from the cold wind. Then, “thhhhrack!!” the tree’s were closer together and fir branches were low enough to start hitting Alice.  She ducked her head as low as possible as branches snatched at her. There was no more whoops of joy as she battled to stay on. With her eyes closed and head down, Alice could not see the edge of the dead drop ahead of her. The branches cleared as the sledge jettisoned into the air and then tipped to a near vertical position. Down they fell until the slope evened out. A root stopped The Hawk dead in its tracks causing Alice to tumble head over heels in the thick snow. She sat, dizzy, frosted and cut from branches, but wore a grin. The Hawk really could fly!